Saturday, December 30, 2006

The thing about Alabama strippers...

...they're so resourceful!

This teenager will be in therapy for life

So...foster Germany....adopted mother's ex-boyfriend is a famous photographer....naturally, when they were together he took some pictures....then many years later, in an attic...WOAH!

New Year's Eve

It's tomorrow. So you might want to check out this article on how hangovers work. Happy holidays everybody.

No no no noooooooooo no no!!!!!

No Google no no no!!! Disappearing sex blogs!

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Only 94 Percent?

I'd have thought it would be a little higher....

She don't mind, she don't mind, she don't mind...


Merry Christams To All

And to all a good lesson on how Santa's flight can be made possible through our understanding of the laws of physics.

Forever and Ever, R-amen

Happy holidays to all! It's at this time of year that we like to stop and ponder the divine mysteries of the universe, and reflect on the creator, the great Flying Spaghetti Monster.

"We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing."

"may He touch you with His Noodly Appendage and bathe you in His Sauce forever, RAmen."

Let's take time to learn more about our Creator:
Open Letter to Kansas School Board
Home of the Church of The Flying Spaghetti Monster
NY Times Article

....and, of course...the Game!

Sir Bono the Bold

Yahoo news reports that Bono is receiving an honorary knighthood.

Personally, I can't help but feel that this brings my own goals of becoming a knight, a Nobel prize winner, and a saint just a little closer to reality....

Fun with Acronyms

OK, how many of you can spot the fun tombstone acronym here? Once you've done that, let out a good chuckle and know that this is indeed a real tombstone. Read all about it here.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

A plethora of pun possibilities...

...but I won't use one, regardless. Earlier this week, Lawrence Lessig handed the chair of Creative Commons over to someone named Joi. Read about it on his blog, or go read his new CC-licensed book (soon to be a wiki).

Also interesting from the CC dept: the Termination of Transfer project. Transfer your copyright 35 years ago or more? Take it back today! Or, someday soon - it's still a beta. Kinda ridiculous that we need such complex projects to fulfill the basic intention of the law.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

The Gift That Never Stops Giving...

SNL still manages to be surprisingly funny sometimes...

Go me and my first post.

Quote of the Day!

"An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You would never see an 'Escalator Temporarily Out of Service' sign. Just 'Escalator Temporarily Stairs.' Sorry for the convenience." - Mitch Hedberg (R.I.P.)

"Urgency and Intensity to the Music World"

Weird Al's interview with Kevin Federline! Good stuff!

"When did you realize you had absolutely no talent?"
"You're touring? WHY? Hasn't this country suffered enough?"

Best news all year...

Here's a familiar scenario:

"I don't know... I've already had three drinks. Is it responsible/healthy/appropriate to order up one more?"

And now, thanks to our well-researched friends in Italy, the answer is decidedly YES.

So go ahead and have that fourth drink - you're officially the healthiest person in the bar.

On a more personal note, I can't resist an "I told you so" to all those that have questioned the consumption habits of myself and my fellow Inebriators. Have fun being dead while I'm partying with your grandkids.

It's the most wonderful time of the year

Ya gotta respect this school's straightforward teaching method....

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?


Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Important Economics Update

Weed is now the #1 US cash crop. And without agriculture subsidies! I always say, buy American.

This could be the most disgusting thing I've ever read

Mexican sewage divers. Diving through miles of sewage (yes, in a full bodied, and we hope, VERY thick wetsuit) to unclog blocked lines. All for the amazing salary of $400 a month.

Good song and good idea!!!

This one may not be safe for work...but it is quite funny! I think I'll give it a try!

:) Holiday Gift (that keeps on giving!)


Mario's Bastard Children

Check it out

The Mario legacy has spawned hundreds of knockoffs...leading to the motto: "Because everything is better with jetpacks."

A tribute to the roots of gaming!

Lost Super Mario Brothers (Super Mario Brothers Special)

You can download and play the game here

Coma, Prostitutes, and Porn: A Lesson

"A devout Christian who said an accident at work boosted his libido and wrecked his marriage as he turned to prostitutes and pornography was awarded more than 3 million pounds in damages on Tuesday."

That's right 3 million pounds.

It's "The Passion" for Tom Cruise

...except that instead of Christ on a cross, this features "the bride of an alien leader called a thetan, which Scientologists claim is an immortal spiritual being, present in all humans." (played by a very talented Posh Spice). In true Dave Barry style, I am not making this up.

Monday, December 18, 2006

That warm fuzzy feeling

'Tis the season!

Costanza style

Naps in the Empire State Building for a mere $14. Naps in Port Authority for $0.14 (thanks Sad Panda)

Chad Vader.....

Its always hard being the brother of someone famous or infamous (depending on which side you're on) and Chad always struggled with living in his older brother's shadow. And when he flunked out of the Empire Academy he had to find work somewhere....
....too bad he chose this!


Gift giving advice

From two guys who know how to do it.

(thanks Peejapotamus)

Friday, December 15, 2006

Is this inappropriate?

Who's Swedish!

This posting serves a dual purpose

Firstly, to alert you the presence of a cool new Mercedes driving game.

Secondly, to alert Mercedes-Benz Incorporated of my marketing efforts on their behalf, and to let them know that I take payments in cash, check, or automotive form.

The solution to our immigration problems is simple!

Build a fence across the Texas/Mexico border! Yes, thanks to Mr Bush, our hard earned tax dollars are doing just that. But our dollars -- that is, yours and mine -- are far too lazy to get out there and do the work themselves. So how will we construct this mammoth fence?

This is not a sad panda

But nonetheless, this post IS for our very own...Sad Panda.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Wedding Cop

Ok, this is probably a mistake to let my prize creative ideas out of the bag to you guys....but here goes. Viper and I have been collaborating on an idea for a TV show or TV mini-series (think Colombo), and I think the time has come for some beta testing and initial feedback.

Synopsis: Each episode our hero, Detective John R. Price, is presented with a new murder mystery centered around a wedding.

[Sample Dialogue]

[at home]
Price (reading his mail): Wow! Another wedding invitation! I sure hope nothing strange happens this time!

[at the wedding]
Wedding Guest no. 1 (shaking hands): John! Great to see you.
Price: And you too Doug. Sure is a lovely ceremony, isn't it?
Bridesmaid (running up, in tears): There's been a murder! (sobs uncontrollably)
Price (narrowing his eyes with steely determination): I'm on the case.

...and that's basically the premise. Every episode, we see new villains, new love interests, new mysteries, new styles of wedding ceremonies, new cakes, etc.

Make sure and comment with your support so Viper and I can pitch to NBC/Universal!

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

This is old news

But isn't it creepy? In principle, what's the difference between these conservative Christian views and the oh-so-terrifying conservatinve Muslim ones? Oh yeah...these are endorsed by the American ruling class.

Maybe I shouldn't post while any case, right now, you should all be listening to They Might Be Giants in anticipation and appreciation of the concert I will be attending in Brooklyn on Saturday.

Christmas Comic of The Day


Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Feeling gay and don't know why?

Been eating soy?

A key quote: Soy sauce is fine. Unlike soy milk, it's perfectly safe because it's fermented, which changes its molecular structure.

Yes, anything fermented is perfectly safe...

We just got a few new weapons

In the fight against fat.

From the article: A more subtle approach is at work in Chausovksy's "scent-ring": the wearer puts on the jewellery, which emits a strong perfume partially masking the smell of food, and so reducing the desire to overeat, the scientist claimed.

Comic of the day

Here. Who doesn't love seeing a man turned into a coconut?

Monday, December 11, 2006

Check it out

xkcd's latest is comic is a map of the internet.

Illuminous new rumors

According to the Apple Gazette, the well-loved Aqua interface of Mac OS X is due to be replaced sometime soon by a new one called Illuminous. I don't know why I bothered linking to that, because there's basically no more information there than I've already given you.

How to Destroy the Earth

I know this is old, but it is incredible, and Casaubon's last post reminded me of it.

Also of interest: the International Earth-Destruction Advisory Board, "an independent scientific institution which monitors the current status of the Earth and the number of times it has been destroyed."

Watch for updates here:

Current Earth-Destruction Status

Solution to Global Warming...

Nuclear War!! It's so simple!

With the information, Robock and colleagues generated a series of computer simulations of potential climate anomalies caused by a small-scale nuclear war.

"We looked at a scenario of a regional nuclear conflict say between India and Pakistan where each of them used 50 weapons on cities in the other country that would generate a lot of smoke," Robock told LiveScience.

They discovered the smoke emissions would plunge temperatures by about 2 degrees Fahrenheit (1.25 degrees Celsius) over large areas of North America and Eurasia—areas far removed from the countries involved in the conflict.

People ask me why I like eMusic...

...and I answer, because of the schollarly insights on porn music.

(Thanks Beacon)

Chinese Resturant Update

Ho Ho. Located on 6th Ave and 27th Street.

Here's the Menu Pages link in case you want to make your own appointment.

(Thanks Sad Panda).

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Not Chinese...

But still Asian. Without a doubt, the best-named restaurant in Oklahoma City is "Pho King".

Chinese Resturant Names

Any good humour appreciating man is always on the look for great new Chinese restaurant names, especially when that man is living in Manhattan. Here are my top 3 to date:

1)Profit Chinese - The winner and champion of many years. I had an in depth conversation about this restaurant with the infamous Peejapotamous and we concluded that the naming of this restaurant had gone something like this:

Aspiring Immigrant Entrepreneur No 1: what should we name our new place of business?

Aspiring Immigrant Entrepreneur No 2 (consulting a business handbook): Well, the book says the name should be reflective of the underlying mission of the business...

2)Good Friend Chinese - Because what local Chinese restaurant isn't a good friend...? A great name spotted in Harlem!

3)Super "U" Like - Mere commentary cannot do this name justice. And yes, the quotes appear just as they do on the outside wall of the restaurant.

So now I'm calling on all readers of this blog,be they in Portland, OK City, Dallas, or New York (ok, that ought to cover everyone...), to be on the alert for humorous Chinese restaurant names, and to email them (along with photos if possible) to this blog to form an everlasting memorial for the easily amused.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

For All You Aspiring Darths

, can practice designing your very own Deathstar. Click on Anonymous Login to get started!

Maybe I'm Out of It

...but I find this incredibly funny....

Cheap Toy Roundup 2006

"Okay, seriously, what's creepier, the Lovely Baby's swollen ankles and clearly deformed, twisted legs, or the 'TRY ME' label positioned above its crotch? (Poke it there, and it plays a tinny version of 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star,' just like a real baby.) "

The dead have spoken...

...And they want copyright extension for Britain.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Arctic Sharks!!

OK, if this isn't cool, I don't know what is. Mysterious Arctic Sharks have been found in the shallow, icy waters of Quebec.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Rock the box

If you're familiar with this iPod lunch part of the consumer electronics market, you probably know the only thing out there that stands a chance is the Sandisk Sansa e2xx series of portable music players. And you probably also know that the reason it has failed to succeed so far despite its clearly superior hardware and low price point is its incredibly awful firmware.

Well, even if you didn't know that, Sansdisk did. But Sandisk did not feel that the way to fix this problem was to improve its firmware. No, Sandisk is trying (perhaps unofficially) to fix this problem by silently cheering on the Rockbox team while it puts its best reverse-engineering skills to the test, trying to port Rockbox, the excellent alternative PMP firmware, to the Sansa. Silently, because the NDAs they signed with their suppliers prevent them from doing more than providing would-be hackers with free Sansa to crack.

I mention this today because Rockbox has just announced a CVS build for the Sansa, a big step on the way out of alpha. Small caveat: no controls, no sound, no battery meter. But do you really ever use those features, anyway?

Apple might want to look into this...

Apparently, Fairplay is already a registered trademark.

Of a condom manufacturer.

Best Beer Ad Ever

Well, ok, you might disagree...but it's still pretty impressive. Wonder how much of this was CGI...?

Also check it out here.

10 Most Bizarre People

Very interesting article. Not sure if all of it is true- but it is all interesting.

10 Most Bizarre People


OK, this isn't a funny post, but anyone interested in intellectual property should check out this Lawrence Lessig post.

And speaking of patriotic

I know this has been emailed and blogged like crazy...BUT, you can't have a serious discussion of America without including it.

Also, this rare first draft of the Declaration of Independence
A is for All the tea they taxed.
M is for all the Minutemen they shellaxed...

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

A Salute to America

I think it's high time that we join together in celebrating America.

So, it is with great pleasure I bring to you:

A Policeman's Version

At a Hockey Game (my personal fav)

Sucks to be her!

Carl Lewis and various news bloopers

Ah I'm proud to be an American.

What do you say, townsfolk?

I say it's worth it.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Feel that yuletide spirit

It's never too early for a good ol' Christmas carol. Or whatever you would call this.

Spinal Tap lyrics

For those that loved the movie- check out this nifty page. It randomly generates lyrics from the many Spinal Tap hits. Fun for hours!

The mystery that is Spinal Tap!!


Better mashups

Saw vs Wallace and Gromit
Titanic 2
Da Vinci Code (Remix)
Spongeback Mountain

No offense, Casaubon, but Brokeback to The Future simply cannot compare to Titanic 2.

And the best re-scored trailer of all!

Ten Things I Hate About Commandments

Re-scored Trailers!!

Some of these are well known, others less so....enjoy!

Scary Mary Poppins
Office Space
Brokeback To The Future

Air Force Pain Gun

That's right. The air force is testing non-lethal weapons that trigger a flight response from anyone in its path. I gotta get me one of these!


Bloomberg, what have you done!?!?!?!

Daydreaming (Are you a victim?)

So over the weekend I had to judge All-State flute auditions. I got compensation and food for my trouble and it was overall a positive experience. However...there were a ton of flutes to listen to: about six hours worth!!! For those that do not know how this process works; here is a quick over view: Each player plays two etudes for a panel of judges, usually a fast and slow etude. These etudes are selected months in advance and everyone has to play the same piece to make it fair. Hearing the same two etudes played over and over again for six hours gets really tough. Plus, you're trying to focus and remember how this person stacks up to the previous auditions. Towards hour five two things happened that were funny:

1) The worst audition I've ever heard: I seriously think this person was sight-reading!!! At one point during the "fast" etude (I put that in quotation marks because it was slower than the slow etude) this person was so INCREDIBILY off that I couldn't even figure out where in the music the player was!!! I just kept scanning and couldn't find it!! There were an amazing amount of wrong notes, stops and re-starts and then (and this is the real kicker) the player even ended on the wrong note!! And held it out!!!! It was supposed to be an "F" and the player was on an "E-flat".


2) Almost at the very end of the 6-hour process I was listening to one audition and didn't realize I was completely zoning out. I mean completely. I was staring out the window when all of the sudden I heard the last note of the piece, looked down and realized "I have no idea how well or bad that person did!" I had been thinking about something else the entire time.

One more memory from a different judging experience:

I had to judge all of the middle school saxophones once for an All-Region tryout. I was paired with another band director who was really cool. We would talk just a bit during times when no one was auditioning. Well, one kid walks in and plays a fast etude for us on the baritone saxophone. A problem many young players can develop is cutting off the air stream with their throat, which creates a grunting sound. This player had that problem- BIG TIME. The etude was filled with short fast notes: so what we heard was:


You get the idea. Well he finished and left, and we tallied up our scores for him. The other band director whispered "Bonus points for grunting." I burst out laughing (I mean really loud laughing) right when the next tryout walked in the door. I'm sure it didn't help to hear one of the judges laughing right before you audition. Oh well... still funny

Monday, December 04, 2006

Law Enforcement Update

Just read and wonder.... What would they have done for other ethnicities? Perhaps other tickets could be waived from a little Tejano, or maybe some good old fashioned Polka?

Alien Funk

Who would have thought that Aliens had such smooth accents? This is quality entertainment if I ever heard it!

Saturday, December 02, 2006

You should start practicing this now

So that you'll have a good grip on it by Monday. You might want to start with the FAQ. (thanks Sad Panda)

Friday, December 01, 2006

For those romantic nights with the sweetheart...

... pop in this album and let the magic happen. Personal favorites include Track # 2 (Bill Haley would be proud), Track # 10 (perfect for every elementary school's curriculum), and Track # 18 (a simple yet poignant plea).

I can't decide...

...if this is absurd on the level with the spray on hair (below)....or if it is too cool for words. (thanks Shaggy)

There's hope for us all...

...and here I speak not only for myself, but also the silent, bald, masses huddled on the shoreline...a solution that looks and feels real. (thanks Sad Panda)

I think I speak for every office worker when I say...


Condom News: Part 2 of 2

Yes, this is exactly what you think it is. And they're still looking for testing volunteers! Though I would definitely question whether "it's easier to use." (thanks InvesTOR)

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Attention all fun loving Subway patrons

Looking for a way to become more involved in your Subway dining experience? With these simple pdfs you too can be involved in selecting the soup of the day.

Condom News: Part 1 of 2

Who would have guessed that a strip club waitress would be "mistreated by men"? I mean, I've heard of all kinds of crazy things happening at strip clubs, but rampant sexist attitudes have no place. Until now. All I can say is ouch.

Lost Seinfeld Episode

For those of you who might not know, NBC has just released a previously unseen episode of Seinfeld. This comes just after the incident involving Michael Richards' racist incident that some are already alleging was conceived by NBC marketing gurus solely to drum up publicity for this episode. (thanks to the InvesTOR)

Important SNL News!!

NBC is considering webcasting the Friday night rehearsals of Saturday Night Live...but what I really want to see is the Sunday Morning Afterparty!

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Well...he's got my vote!!

Don't ask questions....just watch!

The greatest actor EVER!

I suggest we have him as the leading role in every movie we make.


The future is here!

Scientists successfully levitated some small animals -- bugs, fish, etc -- using nothing but sounds (well, ultrasounds)! So how long until we have our own personal levelators, levishoes, and leviwear? And aspiring hard rock drummers take note: your own personal levikit is just the thing to one-up Tommy Lee

Publisher of the day

ASCAP Lists:


(thanks to 008)

You've gotta hand it to the conservatives

Despite losing the majority, they remain as firmly committed to being out of touch with reality as ever.

Artwork of the day


Yes, this is a real movie

Personally, I'm surprised that this superhero isn't more well known and respected. And it's good to see Tennessee politicians showing support for their local arts.

Fun at work

Everyone here has worked jobs in the past that they've hated. I've worked several...but the one that takes the cake for me is:

(drum roll...crowd murmurs and looks around anxiously)

Security Guard!!!

Man- that job sucks. For those that have never been in that kind of position before- let me explain what made it so bad.

1) You couldn't talk to anyone. This was especially true at the Mall I worked. My bosses wanted me walking around continuously. Sure, you could help a mall customer find the Gap or the closest restroom...but that cool guy you like to talk video games with...or that hot girl working on Charlotte Russe? Off limits.

2) You couldn't sit down at anytime while in the common area. If you did- you got written up and after three of're fired.

3) The uniform. Man- it sucked. We had a military style uniform with “mounty” styled hats. What is worse- we didn't have enough for all of the crew to have their you had to share it! You'd show up at work and have to put on the same hat some sweaty, fat guy wore for 8 hours before you. Ugh... thankfully- the hats went away after a while.

4) People laugh at you. This is perhaps one of the few jobs where everyone, and I mean EVERYONE chuckled, pointed fingers, made open jokes and laugh at your expense. Grannies, priests, teenagers (they were the worst), middle-aged men and women, creed, color, gender or socio-economic backgrounds didn't matter- they all laughed at you. :)

So- since this job sucked so hard, the crew always worked hard to find fun. Here are some of the best moments I had working there:

1) Unit 5 (a Ford Explorer pimped out with the yellow security light on top and emblems on the sides) races after hours. My friend and I would time each other going around the outer ring of the parking lot. We stopped when Unit 5 started making strange noises and smelly extra bad.

2) Getting caught playing Monopoly in the office. Not just kinda playing it either- we already had houses and hotels out, land cards everywhere. There was no way to clean up in time and our boss saw all of it.

3) Sword fighting in the back hallways. For those that do not know- the malls have back hallways where deliveries happen. My friend (same one I raced in Unit 5) figured out how to jimmy open a lock to an old closet filled with fancy knifes and swords from movies. Picture this- two security guards (in the uniform mentioned above) sword fighting in the back hallways. I had a 3-foot Scimitar and he had a Katana. We also stabbed the walls and made sparks against the concrete floors. We didn't get caught that time.

4) A woman asked me once what the websites for three of the companies were in the building I worked. (This was after the mall). I just made up three random websites without even blinking an eye. Man...that was funny. I did do an educated guess- and later checked...I was right!!

5) About a week after the website incident, I had Verizon call my number at work (the front desk) and wanted to speak the person who had the authority to check and approve the listing about to be published in the new phone book. I quickly said "that's me." and said everything sounded good. To this day- I have no idea if that was right or wrong. Imagine if it was wrong: "Why did you list us like this??" "Well, we called you and you approved it!" "Who did?" "We didn't catch his name, but he said it was fine!"

Well, that is all I can think of right now. Feel free to add any stories from your jobs

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Life imitates art....(for real)...

My friends at work showed me this clip of Phillip S. Hoffman (from Drunk Punch Love), and we thought he accidentally fell. Turns out he is mocking a true-to-life commercial. Check it out- it is word for word.

Here they are:

Phillip S. Hoffman version

Real version



Monday, November 27, 2006

World's Largest Joint

Hmmm...maybe we need to consider spending our New Year's eve in California. Key quotes:

"I thought the world's largest joint would have been a lot larger," said Brett Stone, a medical marijuana user and advocate. Stone, 48, said the world's biggest joint was made with 100 grams of marijuana and that he plans to roll a fat, joint of about 112 grams on New Year's Eve.

"I think a meter would be a good, smokeable size joint. I'm not looking to make a torpedo I'm looking to make a smokeable joint," Stone said. "I am absolutely going to share, but I am dying to take the first hit."

Full story here

Hip Hop Love

This little gem comes courtesy of Joey Welz. Wikipedia has one scarce mention of the man:

More than 100 musicians performed with Bill Haley & His Comets between 1952 and Haley's death in 1981, many becoming fan favorites along the way. Several short-lived Comets reunions were attempted in the 1980s, including one contingent (organized by Baltimore-based piano player Joey Welz who was briefly a Comet in the mid-1960s) that appeared on The Tomorrow Show, and another run by an Elvis Presley impersonator named Joey Rand (this group later lost a legal action over the right to use the Comets name).

Now this legend has tackled a new genre with the album Hip Hop Love

Just to point you in the direction of some tracks you NEED to hear:

Feelin' Kinda Freaky
Hop Hop Love
And of course, the classic Rap Your Love Around Me

(you can open these sample files with any audio player)

Just remember, when these hit heard it here first!

Stop what you're doing RIGHT NOW

and watch this video.

A religious Spinal Tap, featuring a brilliantly out of context shred solo by a Santa Claus look-alike, lyrics that will blow your mind, and the world's most disinterested drummer.

(Thanks Viper).

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

The thing about a good thrill... that it translates to cultures all over the world.

Ads, Ads, Ads

In a world where everything entertainment related seems to be veering more and more towards the "ad-supported" revenue model, traditional free TV (the original ad-supported entertainment) is being stripped of that option by our friends John TIVO and Anthony DVR, and of course, the honorable Judge Roy iTunes...

So as the advertising world and the tv world banter ideas about regarding branded entertainment, I'd like to send a message, on behalf of the music industry, to those now disenfranchised advertisers, looking to reclaim their voice to the people:

Re-route your dollars here! Or just send us some money in a box.

Clean energy or...uh...bust

An experimental fusion reactor intended to lead the way to a safe and clean new energy source for the second half of this century has been formally launched by the governments of the world’s leading economies.

At a ceremony in Paris on Tuesday, ministers from the European Union, the US, China, India, Japan, South Korea, and Russia signed the agreement to give the go-ahead for the €10bn ($13bn), 10-year project, which will be built in the south of France.

Advocates of fusion power say that it is much safer and cleaner than the energy produced in today’s fission reactors and has very low carbon emissions.

At peak output, for periods of about seven minutes at a time, the Iter reactor is intended to produce about 500MW of power; about 10 times what is being put in.

full article

Monday, November 20, 2006

Well, it was too good to last

....and about the most bizarre potential book in history...

Publisher of the day

"Butt Taco Music"
(thanks Sad Panda)

Is it just coincidence this is happening on my birthday?

You be the judge.

or just go straight to the source

What do horn players for Houston Symphony do in their spare time?

Death by trombone
(thanks Sad Panda)

Wow. Just wow.

Exploring Dora....?

18 Months More of MySpace

Universal Sues MySpace

"The lawsuit accuses MySpace of allowing users to upload videos illegally and taking part in the infringement by re-formatting the videos to be played back or sent to others. It follows several months of talks on music rights with News Corp.'s MySpace, which broke down late on Thursday, a source familiar with the discussions said."

Reuters Story
Coolfer Commentary

...Ok, so that's a pretty ballsy claim in the title of this post. I know what you're thinking...but whether or not either their revenues or viewership drop is irrelevant. MySpace is done as a groundbreaking medium. It's no longer cutting edge. It's the natural lifecycle: fringe idea, underground buzz, massive underground sensation, mainstream attention, massive popularity (and revenues), mentions every night on the 5:00 news, the demographic spirals older, the trendsetters leave. Once the trendsetters start to leave for other up and coming sites (, MySpace will experience the long slide into the middle of the road (can anyone say "AOL"). And there's nothing less cool than being average.

The lawsuits aren't going to bring down MySpace. I'd wager that Doug Morris is doing the exact same thing to MySpace that he did to YouTube. Namely: threaten them with a massive lawsuit, then come at them for a licensing deal (incorporating, most likely, a sizeable advance). He's not dumb, it will probably work. Though it will be much harder to intimidate Rupert Murdoch than Chad Hurley.

Rupert doesn't care about the coolness factor -- he's almost made all his money back, and has a window where he can bask in the "massive popularity" phase, earing ad dollars from the patronage of 35-40 year olds. And he's smart enough to sell it off before it really goes Friendster-style.

But as far as MySpace being a hip, cultural and cutting edge center, forget it. It's done. 18 months.

Quoting Scott Adams

"Ask a deeply religious Christian if he'd rather live next to a bearded Muslim that may or may not be plotting a terror attack, or an atheist that may or may not show him how to set up a wireless network in his house. On the scale of prejudice, atheists don't seem so bad lately. I think that in an election cycle or two you will see an atheist business leader emerge as a legitimate candidate for president. And his name will be Bill Gates."
Full post here

Thursday, November 16, 2006

How anyone with a camera and a little patientce can be an accomplished composer's so obvious!

(Thanks to The Bearded H)

I think you could reasonably call this "legal grey area"

(thanks to the Peejapotamous)


Lawyer argues sex with dead deer not crime
none - 11/16/2006

Prosecution of a Douglas County case involving alleged sexual contact with a dead deer may hinge on the legal definition of the word “animal.”

Bryan James Hathaway, 20, of Superior faces a misdemeanor charge of sexual gratification with an animal. He is accused of having sex with a dead deer he saw beside Stinson Avenue on Oct. 11.

A motion filed last week by his attorney, public defender Fredric Anderson, argued that because the deer was dead, it was not considered an animal and the charge should be dismissed.

“The statute does not prohibit one from having sex with a carcass,” Anderson wrote.

Judge Michael Lucci heard the motion Tuesday.

“I’m a little surprised this issue hasn’t been tackled before in another case,” Lucci said. [Is necrophilic bestiality presumed to be that common in Minnesota!?]

The Webster’s dictionary defines “animal” as “any of a kingdom of living beings,” Anderson said.

If you include carcasses in that definition, he said, “you really go down a slippery slope with absurd results.”

Anderson argued: When does a turkey cease to be an animal? When it is dead?

When it is wrapped in plastic packaging in the freezer? When it is served, fully cooked?

A judge should decide what the Legislature intended “animal” to mean in the statute, he said. “And the only clear point to draw the line in that definition, I believe, is the point of death.”

Assistant District Attorney James Boughner said the court can use a dictionary to determine the meaning of the word, but it doesn’t have to.

“The common and ordinary meaning of a word can be found in how people actually use the word,” Boughner wrote in his response to the motion.

When a person’s pet dog dies, he told Lucci, the person still refers to the dog as his or her dog, not a carcass.

“It stays a dog for some time,” Boughner said.

He referred to the criminal complaint, in which Hathaway told police he saw the dead deer in the ditch and moved it into the woods. Hathaway called it a dead deer, Boughner said, not a carcass.

“It did not lose its essence as a deer, an animal, when it died,” he said.

Anderson argued that the statute, which falls under the heading “crimes against sexual morality,” was meant to protect animals. That would be unnecessary in the case of a dead animal.

“If you look at the other crimes that are in this subsection, they all protect against something other than simply things we don’t like or things we find disgusting,” he said.

Other crimes in that subsection include incest, bigamy, public fornication and lewd and lascivious behavior.

Boughner said the focus of the statute was on punishing the human behavior, not protecting animals.

“It does not seem to draw a line between the living and the dead,” he said.

Interpreting the statute to exclude dead animals would also exclude freshly killed animals, Boughner said. That, he said, could lead to people who commit such acts with animals to kill them.

Lucci said he would render a decision by Hathaway’s next court appearance on Dec. 1.

The misdemeanor charge carries a maximum penalty of nine months in jail and a fine of up to $10,000. If convicted, Hathaway could serve a prison term of up to two years because of a previous conviction. In April 2005, Hathaway pleaded no contest to one felony charge of mistreatment of an animal for the shooting death of Bambrick, a 26-year-old horse, to have sex with the animal.

Bill, Bill, Bill..

OK, I respect Mr. Gates on so many levels....but when his company is internationally notorious for susceptibility to viruses, THIS is the wrong thing to say:

"On whether there's another idea today that is as powerful as the idea of the personal computer in the 1970s: 'If I knew medicine like I do computers, I would like to be able to control the [human] immune system, to fight against the onset of disease on a world level ... but I think the idea of the PC still would have topped that.'"

(entire slashdot story here)

It must be the suspenders

That's my opinion. But judge for yourself.

Key quote: Barr said [Larry] King would love the internet if he tried it. King replied, “I wouldn’t love it. What do you punch little buttons and things?”

(thanks to Big N)

Looking for the best way to send a clear message to your ex?

Take a page from this book.

Gonna go back in time...

Damn cool.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Recipie for success #51

Take a popular song, overdub kids voices, and make a faux you-tube style video involving an oversized walrus.

Scroll down to the KidzCast link and watch the "Since U Been Gone" video. It will blow your mind.

A true heart warming story

This dog is going to have major back problems someday.

Now that's New Jersey style

incidentally this is also Harry Fox style

A dissapointing study

...undertaken, naturally, in the proud American tradition -- rolling up your sleeves, getting in there, and seeing first hand....sigh....

Ummmmmmmmm he's writing a book vividly describing how he would have killed her, which remember he didn't (broad wink and thumbs up)...key quote:

"O.J. Simpson, in his own words, tells for the first time how he would have committed the murders if he were the one responsible for the crimes," the network said in a statement. "In the two-part event, Simpson describes how he would have carried out the murders he has vehemently denied committing for over a decade."

(thanks to the Pott-Bott)

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Is this a little frightening to anyone else?

I thought Hollywood had taught us our lesson about using robots as footsoldiers. Sadly, it seems not to be the case.

Monday, November 13, 2006

For those about to rock...

...I will clothe you. I for one would like massive government subsidies to further this kind of important development.

Best study ever

...well, ok, if it's for the good of the enviornment

Just one of the many ways the internet has improved our lives

Bulldogs on skateboards (thanks to Sad Panda)

What's more fun that ticking off animal rights activists?

doing it like this! Only you can save Toby. (thanks Sad Panda)

Political headline of the day

and i do mean headline.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

The next big thing!

A video masterpiece, and soon to be a best selling ringtone! (takes a bit for the video to load...)

Cute little buggers...

...and they make great desktops...

Friday, November 10, 2006

It's the holiday season

One stop shopping for everyone on your wishlist...

(favorite link: the one that offers you a chance to be "inside Heifer")

...for those of you who doubted the authenticity of the previous post...

I say, take heed: (entire article here)

Paul Oldfield, better known by his stage name Mr. Methane is a British flatulist, or "professional farter" and claims to be the only performing professional flatulist in the world. According to his website, Mr Methane discovered his ability at the age of fifteen when practicing yoga. The next day he performed twenty rapid fire rasping farts in under a minute for a group of his friends in the squash courts at Ryles Park County High School, Macclesfield, Cheshire, England. It became so popular he made it into a regular event. At this time he did not become a professional, but instead started working for British Rail eventually getting promoted to Train Driver (Locomotive Engineer). During a course on the Brush Type 4, aka British Rail Class 47 diesel locomotive he remembered his old talent and used it. The word of his ability spread around. In the late 1980s he was transferred to the Buxton motive power depot in Derbyshire. There he met a driver called Paul Genders who played in a Macclesfield based soul/blues cover band called The Screaming Beavers. Paul invited Mr. Methane to perform as a guest artist. The audience loved his performance, and he decided to try it as a career.

While we whittle our days away, there are some scholars out there researching things that really matter

According to Wikipedia, a Flatulist is:

A Professional farter is a performer who receives payment for expelling flatus in an amusing and/or musical manner. They may also be referred to as Flatulists or Fartistes

There are a number of scattered references to ancient and medieval flatulists, who could produce various rhythms and pitches with their intestinal wind. Saint Augustine in City of God (De Civitate Dei) (14.24) mentions some performers who did have

Professional farter
such command of their bowels, that they can break wind continuously at will, so as to produce the effect of singing.
Professional farter

Juan Luis Vives in his 1522 commentary to Augustine's work testifies to having himself witnessed such a feat, a remark referenced by Michel de Montaigne in an essay.

The occupation of the flatulist appears to have been common at the courts of European nobility during the Dark Ages, and may even have Proto-Germanic roots. The peordh rune of the Anglo-Saxon futhorc has been suggested to be named after the fart based on the rune poem stanza:

([a fart?] is a source of recreation and amusement to the great, where warriors sit blithely together in the banqueting-hall.)

An example of a late medieval flatulist is preserved in an entry in the 13th century English Liber Feodorum (Book of Fees), listing one Roland the Farter, who held Hemingstone manor in the county of Suffolk, for which he was obliged to perform "Unum saltum et siffletum et unum bumbulum" (one jump, one whistle, and one fart) annually at the king Henry II's court every Christmas. But professional farting no longer seems to be restricted to the aristocracy. The Activa Vita character in the 14th century allegorical poem Piers Plowman appears to number farting among the abilities desirable in a good entertainer in general, paralleling with storytelling, fiddling or playing the harp:

Professional farter
Ac for I kan neiþer taboure no trompe ne telle no gestes Farten ne fyþelen at festes, ne harpen
Professional farter
("As for me, I can neither drum nor trumpet, nor tell jokes, nor fart amusingly at parties, nor play the harp.")

19th through 21st Centuries

A notable flatulist in Victorian times was Joseph Pujol, known by his stage name le Pétomane (pictured above), who performed in France from 1887. A contemporary flatulist, allegedly the only professional of his trade today, appears as Mr. Methane. Another famous flatulist, an amateur known as Dan the Farter, is a member of the Howard Stern "Wack Pack."

And they're asking for donations!!

key quote: "as you drink your morning coffee let Frodo's baleful stare remind you that the world is, in fact, completely and utterly shit." Get your credit card ready

It's a cruel world out there

A story of this significance belongs on...wait, let me check...yup, the CNN front page.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

In a new and developing business, this goes on the purchase list just above chairs

it's just so practical

Lesson for all you MBAs out there -- prototype of effective email marketing

From: Bianca
Sent: Thursday, November 09, 2006 2:29 PM
Subject: bronx berwick

It's almost Christmas, and your darling needs that special touch...

We carry all the big luxury brands for waetches, perfect reaplicas.

You'll be fully satisfied or return it to us.

dun beleave me.. well.. will check and I will make myself harakiri :)



Have a good holidays!

No Shame...

none. but it's a classic.