Attention all fun loving Subway patrons

Looking for a way to become more involved in your Subway dining experience? With these simple pdfs you too can be involved in selecting the soup of the day.

Condom News: Part 1 of 2

Who would have guessed that a strip club waitress would be "mistreated by men"? I mean, I've heard of all kinds of crazy things happening at strip clubs, but rampant sexist attitudes have no place. Until now. All I can say is ouch.

Lost Seinfeld Episode

For those of you who might not know, NBC has just released a previously unseen episode of Seinfeld. This comes just after the incident involving Michael Richards' racist rant...an incident that some are already alleging was conceived by NBC marketing gurus solely to drum up publicity for this episode. (thanks to the InvesTOR)

Important SNL News!!

NBC is considering webcasting the Friday night rehearsals of Saturday Night Live...but what I really want to see is the Sunday Morning Afterparty!

Well...he's got my vote!!

Don't ask questions....just watch!

The greatest actor EVER!

I suggest we have him as the leading role in every movie we make.

Enjoy!

The future is here!

Scientists successfully levitated some small animals -- bugs, fish, etc -- using nothing but sounds (well, ultrasounds)! So how long until we have our own personal levelators, levishoes, and leviwear? And aspiring hard rock drummers take note: your own personal levikit is just the thing to one-up Tommy Lee

Publisher of the day

ASCAP Lists:

CRAPPY MUSIC
% EMI APRIL MUSIC INC
C/O EMI MUSIC PUBLISHING
810 SEVENTH AVE
NEW YORK , NY

(thanks to 008)

You've gotta hand it to the conservatives

Despite losing the majority, they remain as firmly committed to being out of touch with reality as ever.

Artwork of the day

Here

Yes, this is a real movie

Personally, I'm surprised that this superhero isn't more well known and respected. And it's good to see Tennessee politicians showing support for their local arts.

Fun at work

Everyone here has worked jobs in the past that they've hated. I've worked several...but the one that takes the cake for me is:

(drum roll...crowd murmurs and looks around anxiously)

Security Guard!!!

Man- that job sucks. For those that have never been in that kind of position before- let me explain what made it so bad.

1) You couldn't talk to anyone. This was especially true at the Mall I worked. My bosses wanted me walking around continuously. Sure, you could help a mall customer find the Gap or the closest restroom...but that cool guy you like to talk video games with...or that hot girl working on Charlotte Russe? Off limits.

2) You couldn't sit down at anytime while in the common area. If you did- you got written up and after three of those...you're fired.

3) The uniform. Man- it sucked. We had a military style uniform with “mounty” styled hats. What is worse- we didn't have enough for all of the crew to have their own...so you had to share it! You'd show up at work and have to put on the same hat some sweaty, fat guy wore for 8 hours before you. Ugh... thankfully- the hats went away after a while.

4) People laugh at you. This is perhaps one of the few jobs where everyone, and I mean EVERYONE chuckled, pointed fingers, made open jokes and laugh at your expense. Grannies, priests, teenagers (they were the worst), middle-aged men and women, creed, color, gender or socio-economic backgrounds didn't matter- they all laughed at you. :)

So- since this job sucked so hard, the crew always worked hard to find fun. Here are some of the best moments I had working there:

1) Unit 5 (a Ford Explorer pimped out with the yellow security light on top and emblems on the sides) races after hours. My friend and I would time each other going around the outer ring of the parking lot. We stopped when Unit 5 started making strange noises and smelly extra bad.

2) Getting caught playing Monopoly in the office. Not just kinda playing it either- we already had houses and hotels out, land cards everywhere. There was no way to clean up in time and our boss saw all of it.

3) Sword fighting in the back hallways. For those that do not know- the malls have back hallways where deliveries happen. My friend (same one I raced in Unit 5) figured out how to jimmy open a lock to an old closet filled with fancy knifes and swords from movies. Picture this- two security guards (in the uniform mentioned above) sword fighting in the back hallways. I had a 3-foot Scimitar and he had a Katana. We also stabbed the walls and made sparks against the concrete floors. We didn't get caught that time.

4) A woman asked me once what the websites for three of the companies were in the building I worked. (This was after the mall). I just made up three random websites without even blinking an eye. Man...that was funny. I did do an educated guess- and later checked...I was right!!

5) About a week after the website incident, I had Verizon call my number at work (the front desk) and wanted to speak the person who had the authority to check and approve the listing about to be published in the new phone book. I quickly said "that's me." and said everything sounded good. To this day- I have no idea if that was right or wrong. Imagine if it was wrong: "Why did you list us like this??" "Well, we called you and you approved it!" "Who did?" "We didn't catch his name, but he said it was fine!"

Well, that is all I can think of right now. Feel free to add any stories from your jobs

Life imitates art....(for real)...

My friends at work showed me this clip of Phillip S. Hoffman (from Drunk Punch Love), and we thought he accidentally fell. Turns out he is mocking a true-to-life commercial. Check it out- it is word for word.

Here they are:

Phillip S. Hoffman version

Real version


Enjoy!

Viper

World's Largest Joint

Hmmm...maybe we need to consider spending our New Year's eve in California. Key quotes:

"I thought the world's largest joint would have been a lot larger," said Brett Stone, a medical marijuana user and advocate. Stone, 48, said the world's biggest joint was made with 100 grams of marijuana and that he plans to roll a fat, joint of about 112 grams on New Year's Eve.

"I think a meter would be a good, smokeable size joint. I'm not looking to make a torpedo I'm looking to make a smokeable joint," Stone said. "I am absolutely going to share, but I am dying to take the first hit."

Full story here

Hip Hop Love

This little gem comes courtesy of Joey Welz. Wikipedia has one scarce mention of the man:

More than 100 musicians performed with Bill Haley & His Comets between 1952 and Haley's death in 1981, many becoming fan favorites along the way. Several short-lived Comets reunions were attempted in the 1980s, including one contingent (organized by Baltimore-based piano player Joey Welz who was briefly a Comet in the mid-1960s) that appeared on The Tomorrow Show, and another run by an Elvis Presley impersonator named Joey Rand (this group later lost a legal action over the right to use the Comets name).

Now this legend has tackled a new genre with the album Hip Hop Love

Just to point you in the direction of some tracks you NEED to hear:

Feelin' Kinda Freaky
Hop Hop Love
And of course, the classic Rap Your Love Around Me

(you can open these sample files with any audio player)

Just remember, when these hit radio...you heard it here first!

Stop what you're doing RIGHT NOW

and watch this video.

A religious Spinal Tap, featuring a brilliantly out of context shred solo by a Santa Claus look-alike, lyrics that will blow your mind, and the world's most disinterested drummer.

(Thanks Viper).

The thing about a good thrill...

....is that it translates to cultures all over the world.

Ads, Ads, Ads

In a world where everything entertainment related seems to be veering more and more towards the "ad-supported" revenue model, traditional free TV (the original ad-supported entertainment) is being stripped of that option by our friends John TIVO and Anthony DVR, and of course, the honorable Judge Roy iTunes...

So as the advertising world and the tv world banter ideas about regarding branded entertainment, I'd like to send a message, on behalf of the music industry, to those now disenfranchised advertisers, looking to reclaim their voice to the people:

Re-route your dollars here! Or just send us some money in a box.

Clean energy or...uh...bust

An experimental fusion reactor intended to lead the way to a safe and clean new energy source for the second half of this century has been formally launched by the governments of the world’s leading economies.

At a ceremony in Paris on Tuesday, ministers from the European Union, the US, China, India, Japan, South Korea, and Russia signed the agreement to give the go-ahead for the €10bn ($13bn), 10-year project, which will be built in the south of France.

Advocates of fusion power say that it is much safer and cleaner than the energy produced in today’s fission reactors and has very low carbon emissions.

At peak output, for periods of about seven minutes at a time, the Iter reactor is intended to produce about 500MW of power; about 10 times what is being put in.

full article

Well, it was too good to last

....and about the most bizarre potential book in history...

Publisher of the day

"Butt Taco Music"
(thanks Sad Panda)

Is it just coincidence this is happening on my birthday?

You be the judge.

or just go straight to the source

What do horn players for Houston Symphony do in their spare time?

Death by trombone
(thanks Sad Panda)

Wow. Just wow.

Exploring Dora....?

18 Months More of MySpace

Universal Sues MySpace

"The lawsuit accuses MySpace of allowing users to upload videos illegally and taking part in the infringement by re-formatting the videos to be played back or sent to others. It follows several months of talks on music rights with News Corp.'s MySpace, which broke down late on Thursday, a source familiar with the discussions said."

Reuters Story
Coolfer Commentary

...Ok, so that's a pretty ballsy claim in the title of this post. I know what you're thinking...but whether or not either their revenues or viewership drop is irrelevant. MySpace is done as a groundbreaking medium. It's no longer cutting edge. It's the natural lifecycle: fringe idea, underground buzz, massive underground sensation, mainstream attention, massive popularity (and revenues), mentions every night on the 5:00 news, the demographic spirals older, the trendsetters leave. Once the trendsetters start to leave for other up and coming sites (www.secondlife.com), MySpace will experience the long slide into the middle of the road (can anyone say "AOL"). And there's nothing less cool than being average.

The lawsuits aren't going to bring down MySpace. I'd wager that Doug Morris is doing the exact same thing to MySpace that he did to YouTube. Namely: threaten them with a massive lawsuit, then come at them for a licensing deal (incorporating, most likely, a sizeable advance). He's not dumb, it will probably work. Though it will be much harder to intimidate Rupert Murdoch than Chad Hurley.

Rupert doesn't care about the coolness factor -- he's almost made all his money back, and has a window where he can bask in the "massive popularity" phase, earing ad dollars from the patronage of 35-40 year olds. And he's smart enough to sell it off before it really goes Friendster-style.

But as far as MySpace being a hip, cultural and cutting edge center, forget it. It's done. 18 months.

Quoting Scott Adams

"Ask a deeply religious Christian if he'd rather live next to a bearded Muslim that may or may not be plotting a terror attack, or an atheist that may or may not show him how to set up a wireless network in his house. On the scale of prejudice, atheists don't seem so bad lately. I think that in an election cycle or two you will see an atheist business leader emerge as a legitimate candidate for president. And his name will be Bill Gates."
Full post here

Let us pray....

...that our batteries do not run dry

How anyone with a camera and a little patientce can be an accomplished composer

...it's so obvious!

(Thanks to The Bearded H)

I think you could reasonably call this "legal grey area"

(thanks to the Peejapotamous)

DULUTH NEW TRIBUNE

Lawyer argues sex with dead deer not crime
BY MARIA LOCKWOOD, SUPERIOR DAILY TELEGRAM
none - 11/16/2006

Prosecution of a Douglas County case involving alleged sexual contact with a dead deer may hinge on the legal definition of the word “animal.”

Bryan James Hathaway, 20, of Superior faces a misdemeanor charge of sexual gratification with an animal. He is accused of having sex with a dead deer he saw beside Stinson Avenue on Oct. 11.

A motion filed last week by his attorney, public defender Fredric Anderson, argued that because the deer was dead, it was not considered an animal and the charge should be dismissed.

“The statute does not prohibit one from having sex with a carcass,” Anderson wrote.

Judge Michael Lucci heard the motion Tuesday.

“I’m a little surprised this issue hasn’t been tackled before in another case,” Lucci said. [Is necrophilic bestiality presumed to be that common in Minnesota!?]

The Webster’s dictionary defines “animal” as “any of a kingdom of living beings,” Anderson said.

If you include carcasses in that definition, he said, “you really go down a slippery slope with absurd results.”

Anderson argued: When does a turkey cease to be an animal? When it is dead?

When it is wrapped in plastic packaging in the freezer? When it is served, fully cooked?

A judge should decide what the Legislature intended “animal” to mean in the statute, he said. “And the only clear point to draw the line in that definition, I believe, is the point of death.”

Assistant District Attorney James Boughner said the court can use a dictionary to determine the meaning of the word, but it doesn’t have to.

“The common and ordinary meaning of a word can be found in how people actually use the word,” Boughner wrote in his response to the motion.

When a person’s pet dog dies, he told Lucci, the person still refers to the dog as his or her dog, not a carcass.

“It stays a dog for some time,” Boughner said.

He referred to the criminal complaint, in which Hathaway told police he saw the dead deer in the ditch and moved it into the woods. Hathaway called it a dead deer, Boughner said, not a carcass.

“It did not lose its essence as a deer, an animal, when it died,” he said.

Anderson argued that the statute, which falls under the heading “crimes against sexual morality,” was meant to protect animals. That would be unnecessary in the case of a dead animal.

“If you look at the other crimes that are in this subsection, they all protect against something other than simply things we don’t like or things we find disgusting,” he said.

Other crimes in that subsection include incest, bigamy, public fornication and lewd and lascivious behavior.

Boughner said the focus of the statute was on punishing the human behavior, not protecting animals.

“It does not seem to draw a line between the living and the dead,” he said.

Interpreting the statute to exclude dead animals would also exclude freshly killed animals, Boughner said. That, he said, could lead to people who commit such acts with animals to kill them.

Lucci said he would render a decision by Hathaway’s next court appearance on Dec. 1.

The misdemeanor charge carries a maximum penalty of nine months in jail and a fine of up to $10,000. If convicted, Hathaway could serve a prison term of up to two years because of a previous conviction. In April 2005, Hathaway pleaded no contest to one felony charge of mistreatment of an animal for the shooting death of Bambrick, a 26-year-old horse, to have sex with the animal.

Bill, Bill, Bill..

OK, I respect Mr. Gates on so many levels....but when his company is internationally notorious for susceptibility to viruses, THIS is the wrong thing to say:

"On whether there's another idea today that is as powerful as the idea of the personal computer in the 1970s: 'If I knew medicine like I do computers, I would like to be able to control the [human] immune system, to fight against the onset of disease on a world level ... but I think the idea of the PC still would have topped that.'"


(entire slashdot story here)

It must be the suspenders

That's my opinion. But judge for yourself.

Key quote: Barr said [Larry] King would love the internet if he tried it. King replied, “I wouldn’t love it. What do you punch little buttons and things?”

(thanks to Big N)

Looking for the best way to send a clear message to your ex?

Take a page from this book.

Gonna go back in time...

Damn cool.

Recipie for success #51

Take a popular song, overdub kids voices, and make a faux you-tube style video involving an oversized walrus.

Scroll down to the KidzCast link and watch the "Since U Been Gone" video. It will blow your mind.

A true heart warming story

This dog is going to have major back problems someday.

Now that's New Jersey style

incidentally this is also Harry Fox style

A dissapointing study

...undertaken, naturally, in the proud American tradition -- rolling up your sleeves, getting in there, and seeing first hand....sigh....

Ummmmmmmmm

....so he's writing a book vividly describing how he would have killed her, which remember he didn't (broad wink and thumbs up)...key quote:

"O.J. Simpson, in his own words, tells for the first time how he would have committed the murders if he were the one responsible for the crimes," the network said in a statement. "In the two-part event, Simpson describes how he would have carried out the murders he has vehemently denied committing for over a decade."

(thanks to the Pott-Bott)

Is this a little frightening to anyone else?

I thought Hollywood had taught us our lesson about using robots as footsoldiers. Sadly, it seems not to be the case.

For those about to rock...

...I will clothe you. I for one would like massive government subsidies to further this kind of important development.

Best study ever

...well, ok, if it's for the good of the enviornment

Just one of the many ways the internet has improved our lives

Bulldogs on skateboards (thanks to Sad Panda)

What's more fun that ticking off animal rights activists?

doing it like this! Only you can save Toby. (thanks Sad Panda)

Political headline of the day

and i do mean headline.

The next big thing!

A video masterpiece, and soon to be a best selling ringtone! (takes a bit for the video to load...)

Cute little buggers...

...and they make great desktops...

It's the holiday season

One stop shopping for everyone on your wishlist...

(favorite link: the one that offers you a chance to be "inside Heifer")

...for those of you who doubted the authenticity of the previous post...

I say, take heed: (entire article here)


Paul Oldfield, better known by his stage name Mr. Methane is a British flatulist, or "professional farter" and claims to be the only performing professional flatulist in the world. According to his website, Mr Methane discovered his ability at the age of fifteen when practicing yoga. The next day he performed twenty rapid fire rasping farts in under a minute for a group of his friends in the squash courts at Ryles Park County High School, Macclesfield, Cheshire, England. It became so popular he made it into a regular event. At this time he did not become a professional, but instead started working for British Rail eventually getting promoted to Train Driver (Locomotive Engineer). During a course on the Brush Type 4, aka British Rail Class 47 diesel locomotive he remembered his old talent and used it. The word of his ability spread around. In the late 1980s he was transferred to the Buxton motive power depot in Derbyshire. There he met a driver called Paul Genders who played in a Macclesfield based soul/blues cover band called The Screaming Beavers. Paul invited Mr. Methane to perform as a guest artist. The audience loved his performance, and he decided to try it as a career.

While we whittle our days away, there are some scholars out there researching things that really matter

According to Wikipedia, a Flatulist is:

A Professional farter is a performer who receives payment for expelling flatus in an amusing and/or musical manner. They may also be referred to as Flatulists or Fartistes

There are a number of scattered references to ancient and medieval flatulists, who could produce various rhythms and pitches with their intestinal wind. Saint Augustine in City of God (De Civitate Dei) (14.24) mentions some performers who did have

such command of their bowels, that they can break wind continuously at will, so as to produce the effect of singing.

Juan Luis Vives in his 1522 commentary to Augustine's work testifies to having himself witnessed such a feat, a remark referenced by Michel de Montaigne in an essay.

The occupation of the flatulist appears to have been common at the courts of European nobility during the Dark Ages, and may even have Proto-Germanic roots. The peordh rune of the Anglo-Saxon futhorc has been suggested to be named after the fart based on the rune poem stanza:

([a fart?] is a source of recreation and amusement to the great, where warriors sit blithely together in the banqueting-hall.)

An example of a late medieval flatulist is preserved in an entry in the 13th century English Liber Feodorum (Book of Fees), listing one Roland the Farter, who held Hemingstone manor in the county of Suffolk, for which he was obliged to perform "Unum saltum et siffletum et unum bumbulum" (one jump, one whistle, and one fart) annually at the king Henry II's court every Christmas. But professional farting no longer seems to be restricted to the aristocracy. The Activa Vita character in the 14th century allegorical poem Piers Plowman appears to number farting among the abilities desirable in a good entertainer in general, paralleling with storytelling, fiddling or playing the harp:

Ac for I kan neiþer taboure no trompe ne telle no gestes Farten ne fyþelen at festes, ne harpen

("As for me, I can neither drum nor trumpet, nor tell jokes, nor fart amusingly at parties, nor play the harp.")

19th through 21st Centuries

A notable flatulist in Victorian times was Joseph Pujol, known by his stage name le Pétomane (pictured above), who performed in France from 1887. A contemporary flatulist, allegedly the only professional of his trade today, appears as Mr. Methane. Another famous flatulist, an amateur known as Dan the Farter, is a member of the Howard Stern "Wack Pack."

And they're asking for donations!!

key quote: "as you drink your morning coffee let Frodo's baleful stare remind you that the world is, in fact, completely and utterly shit." Get your credit card ready

It's a cruel world out there

A story of this significance belongs on...wait, let me check...yup, the CNN front page.

In a new and developing business, this goes on the purchase list just above chairs

it's just so practical

Lesson for all you MBAs out there -- prototype of effective email marketing

From: Bianca
Sent: Thursday, November 09, 2006 2:29 PM
To:
Subject: bronx berwick

It's almost Christmas, and your darling needs that special touch...

We carry all the big luxury brands for waetches, perfect reaplicas.

You'll be fully satisfied or return it to us.

dun beleave me.. well.. will check and I will make myself harakiri :)

look: http://swissez.com

;)

Have a good holidays!

No Shame...

none. but it's a classic.