Fun at work

Everyone here has worked jobs in the past that they've hated. I've worked several...but the one that takes the cake for me is:

(drum roll...crowd murmurs and looks around anxiously)

Security Guard!!!

Man- that job sucks. For those that have never been in that kind of position before- let me explain what made it so bad.

1) You couldn't talk to anyone. This was especially true at the Mall I worked. My bosses wanted me walking around continuously. Sure, you could help a mall customer find the Gap or the closest restroom...but that cool guy you like to talk video games with...or that hot girl working on Charlotte Russe? Off limits.

2) You couldn't sit down at anytime while in the common area. If you did- you got written up and after three of those...you're fired.

3) The uniform. Man- it sucked. We had a military style uniform with “mounty” styled hats. What is worse- we didn't have enough for all of the crew to have their own...so you had to share it! You'd show up at work and have to put on the same hat some sweaty, fat guy wore for 8 hours before you. Ugh... thankfully- the hats went away after a while.

4) People laugh at you. This is perhaps one of the few jobs where everyone, and I mean EVERYONE chuckled, pointed fingers, made open jokes and laugh at your expense. Grannies, priests, teenagers (they were the worst), middle-aged men and women, creed, color, gender or socio-economic backgrounds didn't matter- they all laughed at you. :)

So- since this job sucked so hard, the crew always worked hard to find fun. Here are some of the best moments I had working there:

1) Unit 5 (a Ford Explorer pimped out with the yellow security light on top and emblems on the sides) races after hours. My friend and I would time each other going around the outer ring of the parking lot. We stopped when Unit 5 started making strange noises and smelly extra bad.

2) Getting caught playing Monopoly in the office. Not just kinda playing it either- we already had houses and hotels out, land cards everywhere. There was no way to clean up in time and our boss saw all of it.

3) Sword fighting in the back hallways. For those that do not know- the malls have back hallways where deliveries happen. My friend (same one I raced in Unit 5) figured out how to jimmy open a lock to an old closet filled with fancy knifes and swords from movies. Picture this- two security guards (in the uniform mentioned above) sword fighting in the back hallways. I had a 3-foot Scimitar and he had a Katana. We also stabbed the walls and made sparks against the concrete floors. We didn't get caught that time.

4) A woman asked me once what the websites for three of the companies were in the building I worked. (This was after the mall). I just made up three random websites without even blinking an eye. Man...that was funny. I did do an educated guess- and later checked...I was right!!

5) About a week after the website incident, I had Verizon call my number at work (the front desk) and wanted to speak the person who had the authority to check and approve the listing about to be published in the new phone book. I quickly said "that's me." and said everything sounded good. To this day- I have no idea if that was right or wrong. Imagine if it was wrong: "Why did you list us like this??" "Well, we called you and you approved it!" "Who did?" "We didn't catch his name, but he said it was fine!"

Well, that is all I can think of right now. Feel free to add any stories from your jobs