Saturday, December 30, 2006

The thing about Alabama strippers...

...they're so resourceful!

This teenager will be in therapy for life

So...foster Germany....adopted mother's ex-boyfriend is a famous photographer....naturally, when they were together he took some pictures....then many years later, in an attic...WOAH!

New Year's Eve

It's tomorrow. So you might want to check out this article on how hangovers work. Happy holidays everybody.

No no no noooooooooo no no!!!!!

No Google no no no!!! Disappearing sex blogs!

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Only 94 Percent?

I'd have thought it would be a little higher....

She don't mind, she don't mind, she don't mind...


Merry Christams To All

And to all a good lesson on how Santa's flight can be made possible through our understanding of the laws of physics.

Forever and Ever, R-amen

Happy holidays to all! It's at this time of year that we like to stop and ponder the divine mysteries of the universe, and reflect on the creator, the great Flying Spaghetti Monster.

"We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing."

"may He touch you with His Noodly Appendage and bathe you in His Sauce forever, RAmen."

Let's take time to learn more about our Creator:
Open Letter to Kansas School Board
Home of the Church of The Flying Spaghetti Monster
NY Times Article

....and, of course...the Game!

Sir Bono the Bold

Yahoo news reports that Bono is receiving an honorary knighthood.

Personally, I can't help but feel that this brings my own goals of becoming a knight, a Nobel prize winner, and a saint just a little closer to reality....

Fun with Acronyms

OK, how many of you can spot the fun tombstone acronym here? Once you've done that, let out a good chuckle and know that this is indeed a real tombstone. Read all about it here.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

A plethora of pun possibilities...

...but I won't use one, regardless. Earlier this week, Lawrence Lessig handed the chair of Creative Commons over to someone named Joi. Read about it on his blog, or go read his new CC-licensed book (soon to be a wiki).

Also interesting from the CC dept: the Termination of Transfer project. Transfer your copyright 35 years ago or more? Take it back today! Or, someday soon - it's still a beta. Kinda ridiculous that we need such complex projects to fulfill the basic intention of the law.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

The Gift That Never Stops Giving...

SNL still manages to be surprisingly funny sometimes...

Go me and my first post.

Quote of the Day!

"An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You would never see an 'Escalator Temporarily Out of Service' sign. Just 'Escalator Temporarily Stairs.' Sorry for the convenience." - Mitch Hedberg (R.I.P.)

"Urgency and Intensity to the Music World"

Weird Al's interview with Kevin Federline! Good stuff!

"When did you realize you had absolutely no talent?"
"You're touring? WHY? Hasn't this country suffered enough?"

Best news all year...

Here's a familiar scenario:

"I don't know... I've already had three drinks. Is it responsible/healthy/appropriate to order up one more?"

And now, thanks to our well-researched friends in Italy, the answer is decidedly YES.

So go ahead and have that fourth drink - you're officially the healthiest person in the bar.

On a more personal note, I can't resist an "I told you so" to all those that have questioned the consumption habits of myself and my fellow Inebriators. Have fun being dead while I'm partying with your grandkids.

It's the most wonderful time of the year

Ya gotta respect this school's straightforward teaching method....

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?


Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Important Economics Update

Weed is now the #1 US cash crop. And without agriculture subsidies! I always say, buy American.

This could be the most disgusting thing I've ever read

Mexican sewage divers. Diving through miles of sewage (yes, in a full bodied, and we hope, VERY thick wetsuit) to unclog blocked lines. All for the amazing salary of $400 a month.

Good song and good idea!!!

This one may not be safe for work...but it is quite funny! I think I'll give it a try!

:) Holiday Gift (that keeps on giving!)


Mario's Bastard Children

Check it out

The Mario legacy has spawned hundreds of knockoffs...leading to the motto: "Because everything is better with jetpacks."

A tribute to the roots of gaming!

Lost Super Mario Brothers (Super Mario Brothers Special)

You can download and play the game here

Coma, Prostitutes, and Porn: A Lesson

"A devout Christian who said an accident at work boosted his libido and wrecked his marriage as he turned to prostitutes and pornography was awarded more than 3 million pounds in damages on Tuesday."

That's right 3 million pounds.

It's "The Passion" for Tom Cruise

...except that instead of Christ on a cross, this features "the bride of an alien leader called a thetan, which Scientologists claim is an immortal spiritual being, present in all humans." (played by a very talented Posh Spice). In true Dave Barry style, I am not making this up.

Monday, December 18, 2006

That warm fuzzy feeling

'Tis the season!

Costanza style

Naps in the Empire State Building for a mere $14. Naps in Port Authority for $0.14 (thanks Sad Panda)

Chad Vader.....

Its always hard being the brother of someone famous or infamous (depending on which side you're on) and Chad always struggled with living in his older brother's shadow. And when he flunked out of the Empire Academy he had to find work somewhere....
....too bad he chose this!


Gift giving advice

From two guys who know how to do it.

(thanks Peejapotamus)

Friday, December 15, 2006

Is this inappropriate?

Who's Swedish!

This posting serves a dual purpose

Firstly, to alert you the presence of a cool new Mercedes driving game.

Secondly, to alert Mercedes-Benz Incorporated of my marketing efforts on their behalf, and to let them know that I take payments in cash, check, or automotive form.

The solution to our immigration problems is simple!

Build a fence across the Texas/Mexico border! Yes, thanks to Mr Bush, our hard earned tax dollars are doing just that. But our dollars -- that is, yours and mine -- are far too lazy to get out there and do the work themselves. So how will we construct this mammoth fence?

This is not a sad panda

But nonetheless, this post IS for our very own...Sad Panda.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Wedding Cop

Ok, this is probably a mistake to let my prize creative ideas out of the bag to you guys....but here goes. Viper and I have been collaborating on an idea for a TV show or TV mini-series (think Colombo), and I think the time has come for some beta testing and initial feedback.

Synopsis: Each episode our hero, Detective John R. Price, is presented with a new murder mystery centered around a wedding.

[Sample Dialogue]

[at home]
Price (reading his mail): Wow! Another wedding invitation! I sure hope nothing strange happens this time!

[at the wedding]
Wedding Guest no. 1 (shaking hands): John! Great to see you.
Price: And you too Doug. Sure is a lovely ceremony, isn't it?
Bridesmaid (running up, in tears): There's been a murder! (sobs uncontrollably)
Price (narrowing his eyes with steely determination): I'm on the case.

...and that's basically the premise. Every episode, we see new villains, new love interests, new mysteries, new styles of wedding ceremonies, new cakes, etc.

Make sure and comment with your support so Viper and I can pitch to NBC/Universal!

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

This is old news

But isn't it creepy? In principle, what's the difference between these conservative Christian views and the oh-so-terrifying conservatinve Muslim ones? Oh yeah...these are endorsed by the American ruling class.

Maybe I shouldn't post while any case, right now, you should all be listening to They Might Be Giants in anticipation and appreciation of the concert I will be attending in Brooklyn on Saturday.

Christmas Comic of The Day


Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Feeling gay and don't know why?

Been eating soy?

A key quote: Soy sauce is fine. Unlike soy milk, it's perfectly safe because it's fermented, which changes its molecular structure.

Yes, anything fermented is perfectly safe...

We just got a few new weapons

In the fight against fat.

From the article: A more subtle approach is at work in Chausovksy's "scent-ring": the wearer puts on the jewellery, which emits a strong perfume partially masking the smell of food, and so reducing the desire to overeat, the scientist claimed.

Comic of the day

Here. Who doesn't love seeing a man turned into a coconut?

Monday, December 11, 2006

Check it out

xkcd's latest is comic is a map of the internet.

Illuminous new rumors

According to the Apple Gazette, the well-loved Aqua interface of Mac OS X is due to be replaced sometime soon by a new one called Illuminous. I don't know why I bothered linking to that, because there's basically no more information there than I've already given you.

How to Destroy the Earth

I know this is old, but it is incredible, and Casaubon's last post reminded me of it.

Also of interest: the International Earth-Destruction Advisory Board, "an independent scientific institution which monitors the current status of the Earth and the number of times it has been destroyed."

Watch for updates here:

Current Earth-Destruction Status

Solution to Global Warming...

Nuclear War!! It's so simple!

With the information, Robock and colleagues generated a series of computer simulations of potential climate anomalies caused by a small-scale nuclear war.

"We looked at a scenario of a regional nuclear conflict say between India and Pakistan where each of them used 50 weapons on cities in the other country that would generate a lot of smoke," Robock told LiveScience.

They discovered the smoke emissions would plunge temperatures by about 2 degrees Fahrenheit (1.25 degrees Celsius) over large areas of North America and Eurasia—areas far removed from the countries involved in the conflict.

People ask me why I like eMusic...

...and I answer, because of the schollarly insights on porn music.

(Thanks Beacon)

Chinese Resturant Update

Ho Ho. Located on 6th Ave and 27th Street.

Here's the Menu Pages link in case you want to make your own appointment.

(Thanks Sad Panda).

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Not Chinese...

But still Asian. Without a doubt, the best-named restaurant in Oklahoma City is "Pho King".

Chinese Resturant Names

Any good humour appreciating man is always on the look for great new Chinese restaurant names, especially when that man is living in Manhattan. Here are my top 3 to date:

1)Profit Chinese - The winner and champion of many years. I had an in depth conversation about this restaurant with the infamous Peejapotamous and we concluded that the naming of this restaurant had gone something like this:

Aspiring Immigrant Entrepreneur No 1: what should we name our new place of business?

Aspiring Immigrant Entrepreneur No 2 (consulting a business handbook): Well, the book says the name should be reflective of the underlying mission of the business...

2)Good Friend Chinese - Because what local Chinese restaurant isn't a good friend...? A great name spotted in Harlem!

3)Super "U" Like - Mere commentary cannot do this name justice. And yes, the quotes appear just as they do on the outside wall of the restaurant.

So now I'm calling on all readers of this blog,be they in Portland, OK City, Dallas, or New York (ok, that ought to cover everyone...), to be on the alert for humorous Chinese restaurant names, and to email them (along with photos if possible) to this blog to form an everlasting memorial for the easily amused.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

For All You Aspiring Darths

, can practice designing your very own Deathstar. Click on Anonymous Login to get started!

Maybe I'm Out of It

...but I find this incredibly funny....

Cheap Toy Roundup 2006

"Okay, seriously, what's creepier, the Lovely Baby's swollen ankles and clearly deformed, twisted legs, or the 'TRY ME' label positioned above its crotch? (Poke it there, and it plays a tinny version of 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star,' just like a real baby.) "

The dead have spoken...

...And they want copyright extension for Britain.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Arctic Sharks!!

OK, if this isn't cool, I don't know what is. Mysterious Arctic Sharks have been found in the shallow, icy waters of Quebec.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Rock the box

If you're familiar with this iPod lunch part of the consumer electronics market, you probably know the only thing out there that stands a chance is the Sandisk Sansa e2xx series of portable music players. And you probably also know that the reason it has failed to succeed so far despite its clearly superior hardware and low price point is its incredibly awful firmware.

Well, even if you didn't know that, Sansdisk did. But Sandisk did not feel that the way to fix this problem was to improve its firmware. No, Sandisk is trying (perhaps unofficially) to fix this problem by silently cheering on the Rockbox team while it puts its best reverse-engineering skills to the test, trying to port Rockbox, the excellent alternative PMP firmware, to the Sansa. Silently, because the NDAs they signed with their suppliers prevent them from doing more than providing would-be hackers with free Sansa to crack.

I mention this today because Rockbox has just announced a CVS build for the Sansa, a big step on the way out of alpha. Small caveat: no controls, no sound, no battery meter. But do you really ever use those features, anyway?

Apple might want to look into this...

Apparently, Fairplay is already a registered trademark.

Of a condom manufacturer.

Best Beer Ad Ever

Well, ok, you might disagree...but it's still pretty impressive. Wonder how much of this was CGI...?

Also check it out here.

10 Most Bizarre People

Very interesting article. Not sure if all of it is true- but it is all interesting.

10 Most Bizarre People


OK, this isn't a funny post, but anyone interested in intellectual property should check out this Lawrence Lessig post.

And speaking of patriotic

I know this has been emailed and blogged like crazy...BUT, you can't have a serious discussion of America without including it.

Also, this rare first draft of the Declaration of Independence
A is for All the tea they taxed.
M is for all the Minutemen they shellaxed...

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

A Salute to America

I think it's high time that we join together in celebrating America.

So, it is with great pleasure I bring to you:

A Policeman's Version

At a Hockey Game (my personal fav)

Sucks to be her!

Carl Lewis and various news bloopers

Ah I'm proud to be an American.

What do you say, townsfolk?

I say it's worth it.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Feel that yuletide spirit

It's never too early for a good ol' Christmas carol. Or whatever you would call this.

Spinal Tap lyrics

For those that loved the movie- check out this nifty page. It randomly generates lyrics from the many Spinal Tap hits. Fun for hours!

The mystery that is Spinal Tap!!


Better mashups

Saw vs Wallace and Gromit
Titanic 2
Da Vinci Code (Remix)
Spongeback Mountain

No offense, Casaubon, but Brokeback to The Future simply cannot compare to Titanic 2.

And the best re-scored trailer of all!

Ten Things I Hate About Commandments

Re-scored Trailers!!

Some of these are well known, others less so....enjoy!

Scary Mary Poppins
Office Space
Brokeback To The Future

Air Force Pain Gun

That's right. The air force is testing non-lethal weapons that trigger a flight response from anyone in its path. I gotta get me one of these!


Bloomberg, what have you done!?!?!?!

Daydreaming (Are you a victim?)

So over the weekend I had to judge All-State flute auditions. I got compensation and food for my trouble and it was overall a positive experience. However...there were a ton of flutes to listen to: about six hours worth!!! For those that do not know how this process works; here is a quick over view: Each player plays two etudes for a panel of judges, usually a fast and slow etude. These etudes are selected months in advance and everyone has to play the same piece to make it fair. Hearing the same two etudes played over and over again for six hours gets really tough. Plus, you're trying to focus and remember how this person stacks up to the previous auditions. Towards hour five two things happened that were funny:

1) The worst audition I've ever heard: I seriously think this person was sight-reading!!! At one point during the "fast" etude (I put that in quotation marks because it was slower than the slow etude) this person was so INCREDIBILY off that I couldn't even figure out where in the music the player was!!! I just kept scanning and couldn't find it!! There were an amazing amount of wrong notes, stops and re-starts and then (and this is the real kicker) the player even ended on the wrong note!! And held it out!!!! It was supposed to be an "F" and the player was on an "E-flat".


2) Almost at the very end of the 6-hour process I was listening to one audition and didn't realize I was completely zoning out. I mean completely. I was staring out the window when all of the sudden I heard the last note of the piece, looked down and realized "I have no idea how well or bad that person did!" I had been thinking about something else the entire time.

One more memory from a different judging experience:

I had to judge all of the middle school saxophones once for an All-Region tryout. I was paired with another band director who was really cool. We would talk just a bit during times when no one was auditioning. Well, one kid walks in and plays a fast etude for us on the baritone saxophone. A problem many young players can develop is cutting off the air stream with their throat, which creates a grunting sound. This player had that problem- BIG TIME. The etude was filled with short fast notes: so what we heard was:


You get the idea. Well he finished and left, and we tallied up our scores for him. The other band director whispered "Bonus points for grunting." I burst out laughing (I mean really loud laughing) right when the next tryout walked in the door. I'm sure it didn't help to hear one of the judges laughing right before you audition. Oh well... still funny

Monday, December 04, 2006

Law Enforcement Update

Just read and wonder.... What would they have done for other ethnicities? Perhaps other tickets could be waived from a little Tejano, or maybe some good old fashioned Polka?

Alien Funk

Who would have thought that Aliens had such smooth accents? This is quality entertainment if I ever heard it!

Saturday, December 02, 2006

You should start practicing this now

So that you'll have a good grip on it by Monday. You might want to start with the FAQ. (thanks Sad Panda)

Friday, December 01, 2006

For those romantic nights with the sweetheart...

... pop in this album and let the magic happen. Personal favorites include Track # 2 (Bill Haley would be proud), Track # 10 (perfect for every elementary school's curriculum), and Track # 18 (a simple yet poignant plea).

I can't decide...

...if this is absurd on the level with the spray on hair (below)....or if it is too cool for words. (thanks Shaggy)

There's hope for us all...

...and here I speak not only for myself, but also the silent, bald, masses huddled on the shoreline...a solution that looks and feels real. (thanks Sad Panda)

I think I speak for every office worker when I say...


Condom News: Part 2 of 2

Yes, this is exactly what you think it is. And they're still looking for testing volunteers! Though I would definitely question whether "it's easier to use." (thanks InvesTOR)